Finding The Feminine

Young women today do not have a relevant blueprint on what it means to be feminine. They have been raised either by Baby Boomers or Generation X's and those women gave up their femininity in pursuit of their masculine selves. They entered into the world of men and thought that to be successful in that world they would have to forsake their feminine aspect.

They were wrong. But they did not know that at the time. They themselves did not have a workable blueprint on how to be successful in their work lives without damaging their personal world. They too were feeling their way into a very new way of being that was set to disrupt not only the status quo for women but also for men.

Women are missing the connection with this essential part of themselves. They realize there is a disconnect. The problem is how do they reconnect with this deep and unknowable part of who they are?

To find your feminine does not mean that you have to relinquish all the wonderful masculine traits that you have developed. These abilities are hard won for many women. But the return to the feminine in a healthy way without manipulation is a task in itself, and one that will require patience.

Patience is a feminine trait. It requires letting go and the ability to wait.

See the reconnection with your feminine aspect as a journey - one that you will take at a leisurely pace that will allow you to 'feel' not only others but yourself. Feel those deep feelings that you have ignored and dismissed for as long as you can remember.


The Art of Being

The first step forward is to master the state of being.

The state of 'being' is hard to define. This is a challenge for modern women. They are time poor. They are committed for most of their waking hours. Even so time has to be found for this important step in the process of reconnection.

The state of being has to be relearned to reignite your feminine self.

Here is an exercise to start the process of reconnection with your feminine through the state of being.


Meditation: Reconnection With the Feminine Self:


1. Sit in a quiet spot where you will not be disturbed for at least 10 minutes

2. Sit with your back upright, your feet together on the floor

3. Gently close your eyes and start to breathe consciously in through your nose, out through your mouth

4. Allow your thoughts to come and go. Acknowledge them and let them go

5. When a thought persist - breathe through it and let it go

6. Remind yourself you have nowhere to go and nothing to do through this process - breathe

7. Now imagine your feminine energy. What does it 'feel' like? Is it chaotic? Is it deep? Is it soft?

8. And go back to your breath - focus on your breath

9. On the next in breath imagine the chaos of thoughts and things you need to 'do' and on the out breath let them all go

10. Keep doing this till your mind calms down and you are only conscious of your breath

11. Keep going for 10 minutes


Find ten minutes every day to do this exercise. Then build it up to ten minutes twice a day until you have a new habit of taking just twenty minutes a day just for you and your feminine self. Reconnect and reignite your birthright.

ASK JEN

Dear Jen,
I'd like to ask you a relationship question if I may. I feel a little lost as to what to do and I can't help but feel I've caused this problem myself somehow. 
When my partner and I go out for dinner, I feel a certain responsibility to offer to pay at least half of our bill. I feel guilty if I don't at least offer. We both have decent jobs and money is not an issue. So it's not that he can't afford to pay for me. 
Is it that he wants me to pay my way? Or am I putting out the vibe that I can pay my own way? A friend of mine has suggested that I am sending "I'm self-sufficient" vibe.
Truth is I would like him to pay and take the lead. What I'd really like is for him to say... "put your wallet away, I've got this."
Where am I going wrong?
Phillipa Ballantyne - Sydney

Phillipa this is a very good question and one that many young women face in their relationships. I think the problem is multifactorial and you should not blame yourself or even your partner. The world has turned upside down when it comes to relationship etiquette. No-one is absolutely clear on what the correct way to proceed is when it comes to money. In fairness to men, they can be seen as patronising by some heavily Andro women if they pay the bills. They can be viewed as mean if they don't pay the bills by other more feminine oriented women.

From a man's point of view, especially young men, women are equal and so they get to share the bills equally even when you are out to dinner. And this is where couples run into trouble.

We have progressed so far down the road of gender neutrality that there does not seem to be any difference between men and women any more. That is the problem - we are equal but we are definitely different. And it is within that difference that these types issues cause pain and heartache. 

Many women, who know they are equal and are quite independent would still like to feel the 'dance' of courtship. The wonderful feeling of being cherished and cared for. They long for things not to be too 'basic' like paying your share of the bill when out on a date.There is nothing romantic about that for most women. But in truth many women have lost the art of romantic behaviour, with the inevitable loss of their feminine selves.With women's equality and independence, unfortunately there have been sacrifices along the way. And in that process many men have lost their masculinity. 

In my opinion the issue of money is also tied up around a person's personal belief systems around the subject. In my experience this is complex area and the way someone's family views money will definitely have an effect on how they handle financial issues and situations.

If their families were 'tight' with money then the odds are they are going to be a little frugal and make sure that they get value for money where ever they go. That includes making sure that everyone pays their share.

If you are unhappy with 'the commercial arrangement' that has developed between you and your partner, it might be time for you to evaluate how you want the money issue to be handled in the relationship. Perhaps when you are on 'dates' he definitely pays so that you feel you can relax into your feminine and leave your wallet at home. If you are able to reconnect with your feminine in relation to your partner, he benefits too. He gets to have a beautiful, caring and relaxed woman by his side.

You might surprise him and pay for Saturday afternoon lunch. You might have agreements on things that you share, like household bills (not sure if you live together). If there is not a shortage of money you are in a very good position to sort this out in a logical and kind way. He might not have any idea that you are unhappy with the current state of affairs.

It is also important for you to evaluate your own 'energy' around money. What are your belief systems? It is really important subject and best to clarify how you operate around money and how you want to proceed with the finances in your relationship.

ASK JEN

Can being out of your feminine result in health problems?
Sandy - Newcastle


Good question. It has been my observation that certain types of women are more prone to health issues when they are disconnected from their feminine aspect. When they are disconnected they don't seem to have a STOP button. They tend to override the messages that their feminine side sends them. They do not give themselves enough time to relax and go within. They over work and over do everything. That could even mean over partying for younger women. Over doing things in your external world with flagrant disregard to the messages that your feminine aspect is trying to alert you to can definitely lead to health issues. Many masculine oriented women are often fatigued just because they 'do' too much. When the feminine is disregarded and women operate solely out of their masculine side there is no balance within that woman. Balance is always key to our health, both within our energetic bodies as well as our physical bodies.

HOW TO AUDIT YOUR THOUGHTS

I realize that it is all find and well to say to someone 'watch your thoughts' but that is actually easier said than done. So many thoughts fly through our minds every minute that it is hard to catch a glimpse of one when the next one is already there.

My suggestion is to start a 'Thought Audit.'

To be successful at this process it is going to require a level of commitment on your part. Dedicate some time every day on your 'thought project.' Your masculine side will enjoy giving the project a framework, while you get a glimpse of your unruly and often chaotic feminine side. A good exercise for balancing your internal genders.

1. Create a 'Thought Audit Journal.'
2. Spend 10-15 minutes every day with the intent to watch your thoughts as a type of meditation process.
3. Not thinking is virtually impossible. But now you have the opportunity to capture the most dominant thoughts that come up during this time. Write them down in your Thought Journal.
4. After a week you might find a few thought patterns have become evident, or one thought is always present, or there might be a fleeting thoughts that just come and go, but they have a theme.
5. Don't try to stop or worse, try and justify your thoughts. Don't try and make them better or different. Give them an opportunity to reveal themselves to you. Watch them and acknowledge them. They deserve to be noticed. They are part of you and you deserve to be noticed.


"A man is literally what he thinks, his character being the complete sum of all his thoughts." James Allen

Watch Your Thoughts

To find the feminine that is true for you, you have to understand who you are first. To be conscious of who you are you have to be aware of what you think.

Most of us are not aware of what we are thinking on a minute to minute basis. In other words we are not present. Most importantly we are not present to ourselves. We can get lost in our thinking trying to find the feminine.To find the feminine you cannot think it. You have to 'be' it. 

Over thinking things and then not even being aware of what you are thinking is a trap. We are all prisoners of what we think.

The feminine requires a presence to Self. The art of 'being' rather than doing. When we are present there is little to think about. When we give up ruminating over things, we free ourselves from limitation. 


"The mind is everything.
What you think you become."
Buddha

ASK JEN

Why do women stay in relationships longer than they should when they are unhappy?
Michelle - Melbourne

There are many reasons why women do not leave unhappy relationships. Fear is the basis in many cases. Fear of being alone, fear of not finding someone else to love. Fear of being ostracized from friendship groups. Fear of being financially disadvantaged. But the most potent reason I have observed is that they do not value themselves enough. When you have a strong connection with your feminine you are in a better position to value yourself. When your energies are balanced you tend to be more balanced as a person and it is easier to believe in yourself. Then you are able to make better decisions for your longterm good.


Can women be successful at work and be connected to their feminine?
Jane - Sydney

Women who remain well grounded within their feminine aspect and balanced through their masculine can be very successful at work. These women are the beacons of light that every company is looking for. They bring their feminine aspect to the workplace and that means they bring the ability to find different levels of solutions to problems. They bring compassion and empathy making their working environment a much kinder and richer place. Connection with their feminine selves gives them another dimension to tap into. They bring the powerful gift of their feminine to their colleagues. Using their feminine in balance with their masculine has the potential to make this woman more successful, not less successful. We need more balanced women like this in the workplace.

The Question of Control

She says, " I don't want you to do that"

He says, "Really, I didn't realize I had to do what you want"

• The question of control cuts both ways. A graceful woman lets go of control. She is safe within her feminine. Her biggest ally is her 'internal NO button.'

The new feminine woman has no need to control anyone and she definitely does not allow anyone to control her either. Control can be subtle but it is always limiting. The new feminine woman is always striving to be bigger than her limited self.

The task for the graceful woman is to create a sanctuary within her feminine self.Within that sanctuary she is safe and strong. She has her 'internal NO button' firmly housed within her feminine. It gives her direction. The more she allows herself to commune with herself the stronger she grows internally. When she feels she is being controlled her answer is NO. When she knows she is being manipulated, her answer is NO. When others around her do not meet their obligations and responsibilities to her, her answer is NO. No is her friend and ally. Her protector. When her NO button is pressed by her feminine self, her masculine side can move forward with confidence and protect her through her actions in the external world. She has direction and confidence grounded in what is right for her and not those who seek to control her. 

UNDERSTANDING THE NEW FEMININE

He says, "I am looking for a good woman"

She says, "I don't know what you mean"


Women have found their masculine side and it is strong. But reconnecting with their feminine will bring balance not only to their lives but also to the world.

The danger that women face is the more masculine they become the more they will lose the connection with their feminine side. They will become over burdened with responsibility, over committed physically and left without any sanctuary within themselves.

The more they do the less men will do. The seesaw effect is inevitable because we are inextricably linked as men and women. What happens with one gender has to affect the other. There is no way around this process.

If women can reconnect strongly with their true feminine selves from the perspective of the new women they are today, then we are in a very good position to create a brand new world.

Never before have we had such an opportunity to create a more relaxed and equal way of being between the sexes. Everyone is equal freeing us to celebrate our differences.  But still there are old 'memories' that keep us bound to old-fashioned behaviors that no longer serve us.

The pendulum swing in on the far side of masculine for women right now, but more and more women are sensing the loss of the connection with their feminine. Many are longing to reconnect with their birthright as the embodiment of the feminine aspect.

It can be done and as new people together we can find a new way.

The Question of the Provider

She says, "I can contribute"
He says, "Thank you darling"

• Men have traditionally been seen as the providers for their families. That has afforded them enormous amounts of respect. Economies have changed for most developed countries and many women are either co-providers, equal providers or they are the breadwinners of families now. Still, in the face of this more than equal contribution many women find themselves not respected equally by their men for their contribution.

The task here is to make it known that you appreciate your partner for her contribution. The way you do that is by showing her not telling her. Observe and notice what she needs. She might need you take on the laundry as your job or picking the children up from swimming every Thursday for example. Do not make her feel as if you are doing her a favor, you are not. She deserves the respect as an equal contributing partner of the family. She might simply need a few minutes to herself with a cup of tea when she returns from work. Never underestimate the value of the small acts of kindness. If you can value and respect your partner with the little things that mean something to her, the big things take care of themselves.

The Question of Power

She says, "I just got a promotion"
He says, "What another one?"

• Men have always enjoyed the greater piece of the pie in the power stakes. Men be prepared that the power you enjoyed just because you were born a man is probably going to be wrestled away from you by strongly male oriented women. True power has to be personal. Personal power cannot be stolen and it is the bedrock of a strong person.

The question of power is often tied up with control. Men had the power in the past because they controlled the money. That is not longer true. Women have their own money and so cannot be controlled through the withholding of money.

The task here is to respect women and yourself regardless of any financial implications. Money is a common tool of manipulation, don't succumb to using it as an easy way to control the person in your life. Be the bigger person and realize this is a game that can only be played with powerless women. Do you want to be 'that' guy? The Controller?

The New Art of becoming Masculine

Men are lost ....

Men are trying to make sense of their world that has slowly but ever so surely disintegrated around them.  The old accepted roles played by men and women has changed.

Boys raised without stable and respectable male role models are lost. Without these role models they cannot know what it is like to be a real man.

To add to the confusion we have girls and women taking over the traditional males positions and roles in the world. This change started with the good work of the Feminist Movement. But has the pendulum swung too far? If it has, and I contend that it has, then men have been deprived of their masculine.

This leaves many men confused and angry and in many cases without them realizing why they feel this way.

To understand this they first have to recognize these emotions and acknowledge that they could be arising from feeling emasculated.

To embody the masculine principle they need to acknowledge that they have to be masculine in being and in behavior.

Yes, it is a difficult time for men and their masculinity. But when things get tough it is a sign to gear up and step up. It is a time to take responsibility for themselves and the changing world they find themselves in.  The onus is on them the men to stay viable in a world that is now an equal playing field for all. The time has come for "the return of the Champion".  How many of you men will pick up the gauntlet?

You have to be honest and closely examine your behavior to find a solution. 

Blaming women, bullying women and trying to get them to submit will never again be part of our life in the developed world.

Men have a wonderful opportunity to be Champions for the world. 

Times have changed drastically and we need to examine more deeply who we are as men and women. The roles have shifted and altered in major ways. So what do you do?  By doing nothing we remain lost. Lost to ourselves and our children.

Or we can make a decision to change and men can re-claim their masculinity. As women can re-claim their femininity. 

It is a challenge. The new man will face challenges from his peers and most certainly from the strongly masculine orientated women. The Champion has to be undeterred. He has a job to do and he had to do it. 

Welcome to my Blog

The aim of this blog is to give you a satellite view of everyday events.

It is so easy to get caught up in the mundane. When that happens we get lost in the forest that is everyday live. We tend to travel deeper and deeper into the trivial and lose all context of the relevance of our life.

If I can help you see the world from another perspective with a few words that might inspire you to see yet another valuable piece of yourself that you might not have noticed before, then I have served my purpose.

We all need each other. We do not play in the great sandpit of life on our own. And as I have said many times before, there are always going to be people in the sandpit who you love to play with, others who you don't mind playing with, and of course, there are always going to be those who do not want to play with at all.

Ever wondered why that is? We are naturally drawn to people for a number of reasons. We might just love them. They are funny, kind, and they make us feel good. Or we might instinctively feel that a person has something significant to teach us, or us them.  And there are those who we just do not know why we are drawn to them.

We will explore these reasons in my future blogs.

What about the people who instantly repel us?  Those are the ones that seem to represent the most danger.  Have you ever wondered how we 'sense' those fine distinctions?

There are sound energetic reasons for all of these differences that we should be able to discern with little effort.  I will explore these in my future blogs.

We will discuss day-to-day events and let the energy take us where we need to go. We will be organic and dynamic and flow from subject to subject.

We will work from the point so view that we are energy first before we are physical beings.  If we look at life from the viewpoint that we are much more than our physicality, then we are able to have different and more complete view of our lives. Without that perspective we have a narrow view like that of a spider crossing the page of a newspaper.

If we live life from the perspective of taking one step at a time onto the newspaper, all we will see are the individual letter of the words in the sentences and we might never see the entire story. The ability to view the entire newspaper will be impossible

We cannot transform ourselves by holding such a narrow point of view. First we have to see 'what is' before we can change into what we would like to become.

 Come explore with me to see what is so we can transform to what we can be.